Bullying in Children: Warning Signs & How to Help

What Is Bullying and How Is It Defined?

Bullying is defined as repeated aggressive behavior where one person intentionally and persistently harms or harasses another who has difficulty defending themselves. It involves an imbalance of power and includes physical, verbal, relational, and cyber forms of aggression.

Both children and adults can engage in bullying behavior or become targets of it. Understanding what constitutes bullying is the first step toward addressing and preventing it. The World Health Organization recognizes bullying as a significant public health concern that affects millions of children worldwide and can have lasting impacts on mental and physical health.

Bullying differs from normal peer conflict in several important ways. While disagreements and occasional conflicts are a normal part of social development, bullying is characterized by its repetitive nature, the intentional desire to harm, and an imbalance of power between the perpetrator and victim. This power imbalance can be physical (size, strength), social (popularity, status), or psychological (perceived authority, superior numbers).

Research published in the Journal of the American Medical Association indicates that bullying affects approximately 20-30% of school-age children globally, making it one of the most common forms of youth violence. The effects can be profound and long-lasting, affecting academic performance, social relationships, and mental health well into adulthood.

Types of Bullying Behavior

Bullying manifests in various forms, each with distinct characteristics and potential impacts. Understanding these different types helps parents, educators, and children recognize bullying when it occurs.

• Physical bullying: Hitting, kicking, pushing, tripping, spitting, or damaging someone's belongings. This is often the most visible form but not necessarily the most common.
• Verbal bullying: Name-calling, insults, teasing, intimidation, homophobic or racist remarks, or verbal abuse. Words can cause significant psychological harm.
• Social/Relational bullying: Deliberately excluding someone from a group, spreading rumors, embarrassing someone publicly, or manipulating social relationships to harm someone's reputation or friendships.
• Cyberbullying: Using digital platforms to harass, threaten, embarrass, or target another person through messages, posts, images, or videos.
• Sexual bullying: Unwanted sexual comments, gestures, or actions that target someone based on their gender or sexuality.

When Is Bullying Considered a Crime?

While not all bullying rises to the level of criminal behavior, certain actions cross legal boundaries. Understanding when bullying becomes illegal helps parents and educators know when to involve law enforcement.

Bullying behaviors that may constitute criminal offenses include physical assault causing injury, threats of violence, sexual harassment or assault, stalking and persistent harassment, discrimination based on protected characteristics (race, gender, religion, disability, sexual orientation), sharing intimate images without consent, and identity theft or impersonation online. Many jurisdictions have specific laws addressing cyberbullying and online harassment, particularly when it involves minors.

You Determine If It's Bullying

It is the person experiencing the behavior who determines whether it constitutes bullying. If the perpetrator claims it was "just a joke" but the behavior causes distress and occurs repeatedly, it is bullying. This victim-centered definition is important because it acknowledges that the same behavior may affect different individuals differently, and that the impact on the victim is what matters most.

How Does Bullying Affect Children's Mental Health?

Bullying can have severe short-term and long-term effects on mental health, including depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, sleep problems, and academic difficulties. Victims of bullying are 2-9 times more likely to consider suicide, and effects can persist into adulthood if not addressed.

All humans need social connection and positive relationships to thrive. No one benefits from being bullied, and the psychological impact can be profound and far-reaching. Children who are bullied may quickly feel isolated and helpless, developing negative beliefs about themselves and their worth. However, it is crucial to emphasize that victims are never responsible for being bullied - the fault always lies with the perpetrator.

Research from the American Psychological Association demonstrates that bullying victimization is associated with significant mental health consequences. Victims often internalize the negative messages they receive, leading to damaged self-esteem and distorted self-perception. They may begin to believe they deserve the mistreatment or that there is something fundamentally wrong with them - beliefs that are entirely false but can become deeply ingrained without proper support.

The neurobiological effects of chronic bullying are increasingly understood through research. Prolonged exposure to bullying activates the body's stress response system, leading to elevated cortisol levels that can affect brain development, particularly in regions associated with emotion regulation, memory, and learning. This helps explain why bullying can have such lasting effects on academic performance and emotional well-being.

Short-Term Effects of Bullying

The immediate psychological impact of bullying can manifest in numerous ways, affecting virtually every aspect of a child's life. Parents and educators should be aware of these potential effects to identify bullying early and intervene appropriately.

• Emotional effects: Anxiety, fear, sadness, loneliness, feelings of helplessness, anger, and mood swings
• Physical symptoms: Headaches, stomachaches, sleep disturbances, changes in appetite, and psychosomatic complaints
• Academic impact: Declining grades, difficulty concentrating, loss of interest in schoolwork, and school avoidance
• Social effects: Withdrawal from friends and activities, reluctance to participate in social situations, and loss of trust in peers
• Behavioral changes: Increased aggression, self-harm behaviors, substance use, and regression to earlier developmental behaviors

Long-Term Consequences

While many victims recover when bullying stops and appropriate support is provided, some may experience lasting effects. Research published in JAMA Psychiatry found that victims of childhood bullying had significantly higher rates of mental health problems 40 years later compared to non-bullied peers.

Long-term effects can include chronic depression and anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), difficulty forming trusting relationships, persistent low self-esteem, increased risk of substance abuse, higher rates of unemployment and financial difficulties, and in severe cases, suicidal ideation or attempts. Early intervention with appropriate professional support can significantly reduce the risk of these long-term consequences.

What Are the Warning Signs That a Child Is Being Bullied?

Common warning signs include unexplained injuries, lost belongings, changes in eating or sleeping habits, declining grades, avoiding school, loss of friends, decreased self-esteem, and mood changes such as sadness, anxiety, or irritability.

Children often find it difficult to tell adults about bullying. They may feel ashamed, fear the situation will worsen if adults intervene, or worry about disappointing their parents. Therefore, it is essential for parents and caregivers to recognize the subtle and not-so-subtle signs that bullying may be occurring.

Every child responds differently to bullying, so there is no single indicator that definitively confirms victimization. However, sudden or unexplained changes in behavior, mood, or daily patterns should prompt gentle inquiry. Trust your instincts - as a parent, you know your child best and are often the first to sense when something is wrong.

Physical Warning Signs

Physical indicators may be the most visible signs of bullying, though they can also be concealed by children who feel ashamed or want to avoid parental concern.

• Unexplained injuries such as bruises, cuts, or scratches
• Torn or damaged clothing
• Lost or destroyed belongings (books, electronics, jewelry, clothing)
• Frequently "losing" lunch money or other items
• Coming home hungry (lunch may have been taken or eaten under stress)
• Complaints of headaches, stomachaches, or other physical symptoms that lack medical explanation
• Changes in sleep patterns - difficulty falling asleep, nightmares, or sleeping more than usual

Behavioral and Emotional Warning Signs

Changes in behavior and emotional state often provide the clearest indication that something is troubling a child. These changes may develop gradually or appear suddenly.

• School-related changes: Declining grades, loss of interest in academics, not wanting to go to school, asking to stay home frequently, wanting to change schools without clear explanation
• Social changes: Sudden loss of friends, avoiding social situations, not wanting to attend previously enjoyed activities, spending more time alone
• Emotional changes: Appearing sad, anxious, or moody, low self-esteem, self-critical statements, feelings of helplessness, sudden outbursts of anger
• Behavioral changes: Changes in eating habits (eating more or less than usual), difficulty sleeping, running away or talking about running away, self-destructive behaviors

What Should I Do If My Child Is Being Bullied?

If your child is being bullied, listen without judgment, validate their feelings, document all incidents, contact school administrators, work together on a safety plan, and seek professional support if needed. Remember that you have the power to help change the situation.

Discovering that your child is being bullied can be deeply upsetting for any parent. However, your response and support are crucial in helping your child navigate this difficult situation. As a parent, you have the power to advocate for your child and influence the outcome positively. Acting quickly and decisively can prevent the situation from escalating and minimize long-term harm.

The most important first step is creating a safe space for your child to share their experiences. Children need to know that they can trust you with this information and that you will respond supportively rather than with anger or blame. Your calm, caring presence provides the foundation for all subsequent interventions.

How to Talk to Your Child About Bullying

Having a supportive conversation about bullying requires patience, empathy, and the right approach. The goal is to understand what is happening while helping your child feel heard and supported.

Allow your child to describe what has happened in their own words without interrupting or expressing strong emotional reactions that might discourage them from sharing more. Use open-ended questions like "Can you tell me more about that?" rather than leading questions. Make clear that the bullying is not their fault and that they are not responsible for the bully's behavior. Reassure them that telling you was the right thing to do and that together you will work to improve the situation.

Be aware that children may initially minimize the bullying or be reluctant to share details. They might fear making things worse, feel ashamed, or worry about your reaction. Multiple conversations may be needed before the full picture emerges. Patience and consistency in showing support will help your child open up over time.

Steps to Take When Your Child Is Bullied

1. Document everything: Keep a written record of all bullying incidents including dates, times, locations, what happened, who was involved, and any witnesses. Save screenshots of cyberbullying incidents.
2. Contact the school: Reach out to your child's teacher, school counselor, or principal. Request a formal meeting to discuss the situation and the school's response plan.
3. Request a safety plan: Work with the school to develop specific measures to protect your child, such as increased supervision, schedule changes, or designated safe adults.
4. Teach coping strategies: Help your child develop strategies for responding to bullying, including walking away, seeking help from trusted adults, and using assertive communication.
5. Build your child's confidence: Engage in activities your child enjoys, emphasize their positive qualities, and help them maintain friendships outside of school.
6. Monitor progress: Follow up regularly with your child and the school to ensure interventions are working and adjust strategies as needed.
7. Seek professional help: If your child shows signs of significant emotional distress, consult a mental health professional who specializes in children and adolescents.

Supporting Your Child Emotionally

Beyond practical interventions, emotional support is essential for helping your child recover from bullying. Children who feel supported at home are more resilient and better able to cope with challenging situations.

Spend quality time together doing activities your child enjoys. This reinforces their sense of worth and provides positive experiences to counterbalance the negative ones at school. Regularly remind your child of their positive qualities and strengths. Help them identify and maintain friendships with supportive peers who can provide social support.

What Are Schools' Responsibilities in Addressing Bullying?

Schools have legal and ethical obligations to prevent bullying, respond promptly to reports, protect victims, implement evidence-based prevention programs, and maintain a safe learning environment for all students.

Educational institutions bear significant responsibility for addressing bullying within their environments. Most countries have laws requiring schools to have anti-bullying policies and procedures, though the specific requirements vary by jurisdiction. Understanding your school's obligations can help you advocate effectively for your child.

Schools should have clear, written anti-bullying policies that define prohibited behaviors, outline reporting procedures, specify consequences for bullying, and describe support available for victims. These policies should be communicated to students, parents, and staff. When bullying is reported, schools are generally required to investigate promptly, take appropriate action to stop the behavior, and implement measures to prevent recurrence.

What to Expect from Your School

When you report bullying to your child's school, you should expect a prompt and thorough response. The school should take your concerns seriously, investigate the reported incidents, and communicate with you about their findings and planned actions.

Effective school responses include immediate steps to ensure your child's safety, investigation of reported incidents, appropriate consequences for perpetrators, support services for your child, a plan to prevent future incidents, and regular follow-up to ensure the situation has improved. If you feel the school is not responding adequately, document your communications and consider escalating to district administration or, if necessary, relevant oversight authorities.

What Is Cyberbullying and How Should It Be Handled?

Cyberbullying is harassment that occurs through digital devices and platforms, including social media, text messages, gaming platforms, and email. It can happen 24/7, reach a wide audience instantly, and leave permanent digital records, making it particularly harmful.

In today's digital age, cyberbullying has emerged as a significant concern for children and adolescents. Unlike traditional bullying that occurs in specific locations and times, cyberbullying can follow children home and continue around the clock. The perceived anonymity of online platforms may embolden bullies to say things they would not say in person, while the potential for content to go viral can amplify the harm exponentially.

Research indicates that approximately 15-20% of young people experience cyberbullying, with rates increasing as digital device usage grows. The effects of cyberbullying can be equally or more severe than traditional bullying, as victims may feel there is no safe space and no escape from the harassment.

Forms of Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying can take many forms, all of which can cause significant harm to the victim:

• Harassment: Repeatedly sending offensive, rude, or insulting messages
• Denigration: Spreading false information or rumors online to damage someone's reputation
• Impersonation: Pretending to be someone else online to embarrass or harm them
• Outing: Sharing someone's private information or secrets publicly
• Exclusion: Deliberately excluding someone from online groups or activities
• Cyberstalking: Repeatedly sending threatening messages or tracking someone's online activity
• Image-based abuse: Sharing embarrassing or intimate images without consent

Protecting Your Child from Cyberbullying

Prevention and early intervention are key to protecting children from cyberbullying. Parents should maintain open communication about online activities while respecting age-appropriate privacy. Teach children about responsible digital citizenship, including treating others with respect online, protecting personal information, and reporting inappropriate behavior.

If your child experiences cyberbullying, save evidence by taking screenshots of harmful content before it can be deleted. Most platforms have reporting features for harassment and abuse - use these to report bullying behavior. If the cyberbullying involves threats, sexually explicit content, or other potentially criminal behavior, contact law enforcement. Help your child understand that they are not at fault and that there are effective ways to address the situation.

How Can Bystanders Help Stop Bullying?

Bystanders can help stop bullying by speaking up against the behavior, supporting the victim, refusing to participate in or spread bullying content, and reporting incidents to trusted adults. Bystander intervention is one of the most effective ways to stop bullying.

Those who witness bullying have significant power to influence the situation. Research consistently shows that bystander intervention is one of the most effective ways to stop bullying. When others speak up or refuse to participate, bullying behavior is more likely to stop.

There are safe ways to intervene that do not put the bystander at risk. Simply saying "that's not okay" can make a difference. Supporting the victim by being friendly, sitting with them, or inviting them to join activities sends a powerful message. If direct confrontation feels unsafe, bystanders can report the bullying to trusted adults or provide anonymous tips to school administrators.

Teaching Children to Be Upstanders

Helping children become "upstanders" rather than passive bystanders is an important part of bullying prevention. Teach children that staying silent can appear to support the bully, while speaking up supports the victim and helps create a culture where bullying is not tolerated.

Encourage children to stand with victims, even if they cannot directly confront the bully. Small acts of kindness - saying hello, sitting next to someone who has been excluded, or inviting them to join an activity - can significantly impact a bullied child's well-being and sense of belonging.

What Should I Do If My Child Is Bullying Others?

If your child is bullying others, address the behavior directly while remaining supportive, explore underlying causes, teach empathy and appropriate behavior, implement consistent consequences, and seek professional help if needed. Children who bully often need support themselves.

Discovering that your child has bullied others is difficult, but it is important to address the behavior directly and constructively. Children who bully are often struggling with their own issues - they may have low self-esteem, be experiencing difficulties at home, or have been victims of bullying themselves. Understanding the reasons behind the behavior is crucial for addressing it effectively.

Talk with your child in a supportive but direct manner. Make clear that bullying behavior is wrong and unacceptable, but focus on the behavior rather than labeling your child as a "bully." Ask about what is happening in their life that might be contributing to the behavior. Listen to their perspective while maintaining that there is no justification for treating others badly.

Addressing the Root Causes

Bullying behavior often signals underlying issues that need attention. Children may bully to gain social status, cope with their own insecurities, respond to stress at home, or because they have learned that aggression is an acceptable way to get what they want. Addressing these underlying factors is essential for long-term behavior change.

Work with your child to understand the impact of their actions on others. Help them develop empathy by discussing how it feels to be treated badly. Teach alternative ways to handle conflict, manage emotions, and achieve social goals without hurting others. If bullying behavior persists or is severe, consult a mental health professional who can help identify and address underlying issues.

Why Does Bullying Happen and How Can It Be Prevented?

Bullying arises from a complex interaction of individual, social, and environmental factors. Prevention requires a multi-level approach including school-wide programs, parent education, social-emotional learning, positive school climate, and clear anti-bullying policies with consistent enforcement.

Every bullying situation is unique and involves multiple contributing factors including individual characteristics of those involved, group dynamics, and the broader social environment. Understanding why bullying occurs helps inform effective prevention strategies.

A positive environment where everyone feels welcome and respected protects against bullying. In contrast, environments characterized by stress, conflict, poor leadership, or unclear expectations may facilitate bullying behavior. Schools and communities can actively create cultures that prevent bullying through comprehensive programming and consistent commitment to respectful treatment of all individuals.

Individual Factors

Research has identified several factors that may increase the likelihood of bullying behavior. These include poor social-emotional skills, history of aggressive behavior, low empathy, desire for social dominance, previous experiences of victimization, and family factors such as harsh parenting or domestic conflict. However, it is important to note that these are risk factors, not deterministic causes - many children with these characteristics do not become bullies.

Environmental Factors

The social environment plays a significant role in either facilitating or preventing bullying. Schools with positive climates, strong adult supervision, clear behavioral expectations, and effective responses to incidents have lower rates of bullying. Peer group norms also matter - when the peer group disapproves of bullying, it is less likely to occur.

Evidence-Based Prevention Strategies

Research has identified several approaches that effectively reduce bullying:

• Whole-school approaches: Programs that involve all stakeholders - students, staff, parents, and administration - in creating a positive school climate and responding consistently to bullying
• Social-emotional learning: Teaching children skills for managing emotions, developing empathy, building relationships, and resolving conflicts peacefully
• Clear policies and consistent enforcement: Having well-communicated rules about bullying and applying consequences consistently and fairly
• Increased supervision: Adequate adult presence in areas where bullying commonly occurs, such as playgrounds, hallways, and cafeterias
• Parent engagement: Involving parents in prevention efforts and maintaining communication between home and school
• Bystander training: Teaching students how to safely intervene or report when they witness bullying

When Should You Seek Professional Help?

Seek professional help if your child shows persistent signs of depression, anxiety, or withdrawal, expresses thoughts of self-harm, refuses to attend school for extended periods, experiences significant behavioral changes, or if the bullying has resulted in trauma affecting daily functioning.

Many children recover from bullying experiences with support from family and school. However, some situations require professional intervention. Knowing when to seek help ensures your child receives appropriate care.

Mental health professionals who specialize in children and adolescents can provide valuable support including assessment of the impact of bullying, evidence-based treatments for anxiety, depression, or trauma, strategies for building resilience and coping skills, family therapy to improve communication and support, and coordination with schools and other systems.

Resources for Help

Numerous resources exist to support children and families affected by bullying. Your child's school counselor can often provide initial support and referrals. Pediatricians can assess physical symptoms and refer to mental health specialists. Local mental health clinics and private therapists offer specialized treatment. National helplines provide immediate support and information.

How Can You Report Bullying and File Complaints?

If school interventions are insufficient, you may escalate to district administration, file complaints with education oversight agencies, report criminal behavior to police, or in cases of discrimination, contact civil rights agencies.

When school-level interventions are not effective in stopping bullying, additional options are available. Understanding the reporting and complaint processes can help you advocate effectively for your child.

Document all communications with the school and their responses. If the school is not addressing the bullying adequately, contact district administration with your documented concerns. Many jurisdictions have education oversight bodies that accept complaints about school failures to address bullying. If bullying involves criminal behavior, file a police report regardless of the perpetrator's age.

When to Contact Authorities

Contact law enforcement if bullying involves physical assault causing injury, credible threats of violence, sexual harassment or assault, stalking behavior, illegal activity such as theft or property destruction, or distribution of intimate images of minors. Schools and other organizations may also be required to report certain incidents to authorities.